You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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