It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
