Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
