if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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