she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
