I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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