Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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