Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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