The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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