Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize