those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
the gays at disneyland are vicious
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I could fuck to npr.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
