It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
