i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
