idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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