i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
