if i died would you start the facebook group?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
