dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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