im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
