i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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