I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
