I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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