he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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