One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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