From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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