this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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