Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
