Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
