you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So vagazzling was a success
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
