If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
