i love accidental penises.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
