If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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