i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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