Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
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Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
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My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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