I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
