I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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