i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
