I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
