i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
