Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
