Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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