i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
