she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
