It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
