Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
