after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
