If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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