I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
