Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
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You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
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I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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