is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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