Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
