I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
