i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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