I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
