Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
