I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
