2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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