I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Randomize
