oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize