walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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