Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
