My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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