turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
