Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
