just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
