im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
home. puking in laundry basket.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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