just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize