I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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