My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
