i permit you to call me
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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