wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
