I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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