Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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