is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
