She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
