so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
