So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize