I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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