so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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