All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
