I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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