I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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