I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
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My dream of liquor pitchers came true
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
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We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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