I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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