why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
