This girl is more easily done than said...
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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