On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
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for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
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Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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