Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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