i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
