You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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